What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
