I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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