she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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