The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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