One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
