hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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