I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
