So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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