i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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