first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
