when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
