i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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