Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
