eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
