it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
