Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
