There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
