i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
