I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
