I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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