We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
