I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize