her facebook's as public as her vagina
sarcasm needs its own font
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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