New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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