I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
