On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
