i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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