If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
