Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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