I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
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