Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
