she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
