i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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