You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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