just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
