nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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