Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
