It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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