If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
