when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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