did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
