3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
