I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
