Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
well I can't set my house on fire every night
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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