Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
