I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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