just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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