wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it glows. i had to have it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
