All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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