hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I currently don't understand fingers.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
