A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
