So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
